The Duck That Could Swim and Fly

The Duck That Could Swim and Fly

a story in 3 chapters

by The Blond Guy

as dictated to mom

Chapter 1

Once upon a time there was a little duck who could fly and also swim. Giggle…is that funny? He could even wear glasses when he flies or swims because they couldn’t even come off. Giggle…is that funny? He even had a trampoline. It gives him the powers then he jumps on the trampoline and he gets to a superduck. He turns into a superduck cause he has squirt fire eyes. He jumps on the trampoline every day because he wants powers every day. The powers are forever, so he takes them away. And one of the powers that he gets on the next day, which is on chapter 2, he gets a power that shoots big fire soccer balls that shoots big giant hard trampolines that bonk people’s heads and the balloons can be broken forever.

This is still chapter one. There is a special power where the duck makes poison inside the hoods of his jacket. But his fire, and he also had laser powers, and his fire could not break his lasers, mom. And his lasers could not break his fire. And his fire or lasers could not get killed by anything. Not by ice or water or anything. Not even the lasers.

The end of chapter 1

Chapter 2

The soccer balls had poison inside of them, and then he shot a giant one. And the giant had sharp teeth, and he shot one of the soccer balls in it. The teeth opened the soccer ball. Poison squirted out and the giant died. And the giant stayed dead forever. And then one day a bad guy came. So Superduck used his yellow lasers at the bad guy. And the bad guy died. And then he jumped on the trampoline and then tomorrow he got, oh actually squirt fire, and then tomorrow he got a power that shoots glass dolls with matches in them that wipe on the doll and the doll has fire on the matches and then it shoots at a giant. The giant dies. And then what happened tomorrow again, he got a power that shoots pillowcases with pillows inside them, made out of poison. And then one day he went inside the house and played with legos and built a house. And then tomorrow he met a nice guy whose name was Mr. House, who was a superguy. He was a kind of superman but we’ll just call him superguy for now.* And then the superman got a power from the superguy’s trampoline, he got a power for shooting stones. Big, big giant stones at bad guys and they get squished with the stones once he shoots them at someone. And the superduck got that, too. And then the superduck jumped on the trampoline again, and he got a power that shoots jars that are made out of what candles are made out of, the part that the fire goes on…

Mom: you mean wax?

TBG: yeah.

And then he opened up the jars amd then he got a match, wiped them on the box and put it back in the jar. When the bad guy came he shot the jar at the bad guy, and then the bad guy turned into fire, and then it died, but there wasn’t a hole in the ground, cause that was where his sidewalk was. So he filled up the hole so that people could still walk in the sidewalk.

And then he jumped on the trampoline again and then he flew up into the sky, and then what happened was, there was a powered bad guy that takes away powers from ducks with powers. But he tried to take away the powers from that duck, but the powers didn’t really get taken away from the duck, cause that duck was really hard to take the powers away. Because the trampoline gave powers that are really hard to get out of people’s bodies. And then his family came and said, “good job, you protected yourself, so keep on jumping on the trampoline.”

The end of chapter 2

Chapter 3

He jumped on the trampoline and then he got this power that throws stocking hangers, but they were stocking hangers that had sharp hooks and they were facing forward when he shot them, so it gets bad guys. And then he jumped on the trampoline again, and what happened was he got this power that gets boxes that traps bad guys once they shoot the bad guys. And then he jumped on the trampoline again and he got this power that throws printers that don’t really print stuff, but he shoots them at swords and the printers break the swords by just (sound effect) pointing the metal parts down. And then he jumped on the trampoline again and he got this power that shoots fireplaces that are already lighted up. And he has to shoot them at monsters or giants or dragons, and it breaks on the monsters or giants or dragons so then they die. And then he jumped on the trampoline again, tomorrow, and tomorrow he got this power that shoots chairs.

The end.

*this is my favorite line

It's all about communication.

Scene 1: I'm having a conversation with an adult. The Blond Guy approaches with something urgent to say. I try to explain that I am talking with someone and he needs to wait. He freaks out. Later we talk about what happened and he explains that he can't wait to tell me what is so urgent because that will cause him to forget his words. I offer a solution: Why not turn away and whisper to yourself what you are going to tell me so that you will remember what to say when it is your turn to talk to me? He agrees. In subsequent similar situations he puts it into practice with a little reminding. "I was gonna tell my mom that........ I was gonna tell my mom that....... I was gonna tell my mom, etc."


Scene 2: I'm teaching a violin lesson. The Blond Guy approaches with something urgent to say. I tell him I'm not available because I'm teaching. He turns away and starts whispering, "I was gonna tell my mom...." Feeling a bit sorry for the lad, and knowing he won't be able to whisper to himself for the duration of the lesson, I suggest he write down his thoughts so he won't have to remember them for that long. He leaves the room and later returns with this missive:

Ples can I hav a sgoodr, I wonid a sgatbord, acchlee. Its litning mcqueen.

Please can I have a scooter, I wanted a skateboard, actually. It's Lightning McQueen.


Scene 3: Post-Thanksgiving. I have been prodded into bringing my violin to give a little casual recital for the in-laws. The Blond Guy, who is 5 days into a vacation filled with very late nights and wii overstimulation, is not in any sort of mood to sit and listen to violin music. First thing during O Danny Boy, he storms into the bedroom and shuts the door, making clear his disapproval. Then, somewhere in the middle of Orange Blossom Special, he emerges and returns to his craft project. Soon, Stone and I begin our joint number, Devil Went Down to Georgia (yes, it's humiliating. don't ask.) TBG starts pulling on my leg and trying to talk to me. Stone tells him several times not to interrupt. He grumpily makes his way back to the crafting table. Last thing on the program is Greensleeves. Just as I approach the final 3 measures, I look down and see a little blond boy holding up a full sheet of paper for me to read. This time the message is short:

STOP.

Love

This is me.

I am in love.

With these beautiful golden curls

That just figured out how to walk.

Beautiful golden curls walking around.

What's not to love?

Family Photos

My very talented artist-of-a-brother, Kirk, agreed to take some photos of us with that jolly nice camera of his. Here are just a few highlights from the photo shoot. Perhaps there will be more to come.


Oh, and in case you're wondering, Yes. It is almost impossible to get everyone to hold still and smile at the same time. Fortunately we only needed one winner, and that one you will find displayed in all it's glory on my header.

Pics From My Phone--Part 2

Last Spring I signed The Nog up for an art class through Montgomery County.

It was just because I wanted to have an opportunity for us to do something together, just the two of us.

It was a big ordeal to arrange babysitting for my other two kids, and then drive all the way to Chevy Chase for only a 45-minute class. And I'm sure he's already forgotten it by now.

However, I still think it was worth every minute and every penny. We both enjoyed it so much. And because he is the "middle child," the moments we have to spend together one-on-one are very few and far between.
His teacher told me several times, and very enthusiastically, that my son is "VERY talented." I didn't have the heart to tell her that it just might be because he was a good 6-12 months older than everyone else in the class. But that session was the only one that fit with my schedule so that's the one we took.

I love this kid.

Pics From My Phone--Part I

Amidst the hustle and bustle of preparing to move, my phone broke. We had to replace it and were supposed to send in the broken one within 10 days.

We didn't.

That's because there were pics on my phone that I wanted to keep and we didn't have the necessary hardware to get them off. So now we are probably going to receive some astronomical bill from Verizon because we took so long to send in the broken one. But you, my friends, will be the beneficiaries because I am going to display those pics here.

And you will have to get your fill because the bad news is that our real camera is also broken, among other things including our curs-ed van. Heaven knows when someone will plug up that money drain long enough for us to replace our camera. There may be a dearth in photo postage in the near future.

But what am I carrying on about? We have a beautiful baby to talk about here!

I took these photos on one of those lazy Maryland summer afternoons. I was playing around with the color settings on the camera-phone. The boys were blowing bubbles. The baby was smiling that beautiful smile.

I miss this life so much already.

First Birthday

First cake.

First refined sugar.

First chocolate.

can I offer you some more?

Well....if you insist.